I have not blogged in a year and a half. Why? There are several reasons. First, my son relapsed with his PANDAS after having strep in the winter of 2019. Writing about this chapter in our lives in real time was simply too painful. Second, I did not ultimately get better for a long time. The treatment for Lyme took a year. The medications were brutal on my body. For a long time, there was nothing to write but, “I feel bad. I am sick. I am very depressed,” or at times, “I feel very OCD.” Third, we discovered a pervasive mold problem in the home we were renting. It became clear that, until my constant exposure to mold was eliminated, I would continue to be sick. The mold triggered my immune system in ways similar to the “foreign invaders” of bacteria and viruses. Figuring out when and where to move took a long time. But we did move. And I have improved, tremendously. Lastly: for anyone, having a long-term, catastrophic illness is a traumatic experience. As my physical body improved, my mind and emotions were slow to catch up. I was deeply bruised by the experience of PANDAS–both with my child and in my own journey. It seems to me, as best as I can understand, that I have endured several acute PANDAS situations with my child and “maybe” for myself. I am certain, however, that I myself have had numerous, less severe but more “chronic” presentations of PANDAS symptoms during seasons of my life (the OCD is present but not extreme, for example). This is a painful fact of my life. I have had to dive deeply into this part of my story to uncover, understand and ultimately, heal.
Categories: The story continues